You’re writing your autobiography. What’s your opening sentence?
I rode my bike with training wheels, as I turned my training wheels locked, I fell hard, two bloody knees…48 years later …
You’re writing your autobiography. What’s your opening sentence?
I rode my bike with training wheels, as I turned my training wheels locked, I fell hard, two bloody knees…48 years later …
Do you need a break? From what?
I believe in Jesus Christ stated openly would kill the gross perverse elites.
Hail Mary full of grace the Lord is with thee stated out loud would drive out the fake prophets and promises you believe in.
I dare your to say out loud
Here I am Jesus, I hear you now!
Don’t let Satan steal your soul through fake news, fake money, fake drugs, and lies.
Describe your most ideal day from beginning to end.
Hail Mary full of grace the Lord is with me.
Holy Mary Mother God pray for us sinners
Protect and save the children from the wicked and the elite.
Look up at the sun, moon, stars and ask to be saved by the Sacred Heart of Jesus.
By the power of the Holy Spirit, condemn Satan and the 200 fallen who walk among us.
Say this out loud every day and watch your world change before your eyes.
My ideal day from beginning to end is for every soul to give their life to Jesus.
Ask for him to enter your heart.
Pray for the conversion of Souls and the destruction of the wicked.
How do significant life events or the passage of time influence your perspective on life?
Cold, hard ground
Lifeless, dimmed
Sadness, tears
Flow down
He’s gone
I miss you dad
I miss Spring.
What are your favorite websites?
As a little girl in the seventies, I would turn the radio to all the emergency broadcast radio am stations. The static, the radio broadcast emergency signal, I was fascinated by the sound. Now, I’m obsessed with anything weather radar. It reminds me of my childhood. It reminds me of how powerful God is through weather and how his only son died for all humanity as lightning shattered through the man made cross. Watching the power of God through weather radar is an awesome display of human technology.
How often do you walk or run?
Words cannot express the sadness that I feel for this young man, for his father, his mother, his brothers. May this act of violence, this act of unnecessary evil, this act of uncontrolled emotion in this chaos created by Satan open the doors to the true light of Jesus Christ. Satan may have thought he won in the moment, but I think he awaken the Lion. I proclaim Jesus is my Savior, in the heavens above, the WORD of the Lord.
Write about a random act of kindness you’ve done for someone.
A random act of kindness, is a random thing to say, kindness should not be random, it should be something that happens every day.
Was today typical?
1978,1983,1987 were typical, the internet ruined everything, I miss the Dewey Decimal System. People wear underwear on their heads, I miss leg warmers. Bring back modesty, mystery, and manners. I’m sad that today is no longer typical, it’s all become abnormal.
What quality do you value most in a friend?
Indifference seems to have a negative connotation;however, to have a friend that accepts you no matter how you argue, laugh, and feel is something that I value. “Meh, ok, see you tomorrow, you wanna get something to eat, later, let me know when you wanna hang out, thanks,” sometime a friend that doesn’t read into things, can be a rare find.
Church is hard. I stare too much at the statues. I do my best to listen but I can’t help watching people. I pray, God has a sense of humor. He has to have a sense of humor. Laughter is one quality that separates us from animals. Wouldn’t that be weird if your cat could laugh at you. Sometimes my dog smiles but I realize it’s a dog. The statues are so reverent, no smiles. I look up and pray to a giant statue of Jesus. A crucified Jesus. Today, I thought this seems odd. I closed my eyes today and prayed. That felt better in my heart. Would I know Jesus if he smiled? Would he laugh? Would I know? I hate the statues.
If you could be a character from a book or film, who would you be? Why?
Obviously not now, but when I was eight, she was my role model. I miss the innocence of being outside and running through mud.
What job would you do for free?
There is no job that is free. Free will is free. If I considered it a job, then I am not free.
When you were five, what did you want to be when you grew up?
I remember vividly that I wanted to be Samantha Stephens, the housewife, witch, in the Bewitched TV series. She had a neat house, could wiggle her face and majestically do magic. Jeannie however was controlled by a human and lived in a small bottle- although I loved the color pink- not happening! Samantha’s mom, Angora, wore thick blue eyeshadow with eyeliner, I could not wait until I could wear makeup so I could have enchanted eyes! After watching the afternoon show, I waited for my brother to return from school, I rode my Big Wheel around waiting for the day to begin!
What’s something most people don’t understand?
Mom and dad, just mom, just dad, grandma, grandpa, teach your babies that God made them in the heavenly light. They were placed on earth and their life force is precious. Through ugly words, cruel jokes, and manufactured beauty our children are dying. Teach the child that they grow in God’s love. Big teeth, second hand clothes, bagged lunches, poor hygiene, bad grades, too big or too fat…guide them that life isn’t fair but they matter. They matter to God. Teach them to live in his light and shield them from the darkness of our society. God gave every mother a mission, to love and protect their child. Teach your child that God is the only one who determines death. Ten years old, is too young to die because they thought they weren’t good enough. Parents be parents, be selfless, be honest, your job is to teach them about God.
How has technology changed your job?
We still go back to paper. Just today, I signed five pieces of paper before my medical appointment. AI programs contort images all the time. For example, when you see a cool image and realize they have eight fingers. I try terribly to draw on my tablet, and with one tap I deleted my work…oh….no back up either because I was too lazy to set up my settings. I miss the year 1983. Wheelies in the dirt, scabbed knees, and an awesome farmers tan. Now, I hate what we have become. But I am glad I can follow my spouse to see how far away they are from home on my phone. Don’t worry, we all track each other on our family phone plan. I do like I can stick it to the man with my most prophetic passive aggressive post on social media. It seems to help remind me about the power of the first amendment and as I watch those in Europe being jailed, I’m like ok freedom truly isn’t free!
How often do you say “no” to things that would interfere with your goals?
They said no, they told me no, I don’t know. They said no.  Sometimes “no” can be a learning experience which in my world is a new opportunity. The power of “no”can mean a lot of things when faced with adversities, struggles, and challenges, but one power that “no” has is the ability to raise determination for a new opportunity. I never say “no” – I always say that could be a new opportunity.
What’s a secret skill or ability you have or wish you had?
I miss my dad, I wish I could go back in time, make more time to spend with him.
A good thunderstorm is my absolute favorite. As I hope for no tornadoes or hail, I still love a good thunderstorm in the summer. The calm before, the ominous skies approaching, flashes of lightning, and that big boom crack before the rains pour down! So good!
What is your favorite type of weather?
It has taken me many years to understand when Satan is near, but I can tell you I now know that one clue is negative thoughts. Whispers of hate, insecurities, and distortions. People forget Satan hated mankind, was jealous that God held man over the angels. “In his image…” Satan will do everything to distort God’s creation. What is his master plan…? Think of the confusion with these statements: it has a heart beat but is not a life form yet, you were made in the wrong body, you need this to feel good, your not good enough, your ugly, you should be the winner, you are better than them, you are not worth it, and worst of all you should kill yourself. You don’t think Satan knows what he’s doing to distort God’s creation? 200 fell to earth to worship the one fallen angel and you don’t think that they have a plan? God’s promise was sent as a rainbow enveloped in the skies after the flood. Was that message distorted? Teach yourselves that the noise of distortion is hell on earth. If I could go back I would say to my younger self, life may seem unfair but God sent Jesus as your compass, stay the course and know that who you are was made in the image of God. When I feel the negative creep, I pray the rosary for myself and those who are suffering in this hell on earth.
How has a failure, or apparent failure, set you up for later success?
I skipped school a lot. I mean a lot. In the early nineties, in my town there were two roads. One to college and one to a trailer park. I wanted neither. Oddly my choices led me to a path less traveled. I saw the world, I learned a trade, and I learned everything was a choice that had a result. Failure was just something written on paper by somebody else. I could either learn from my experience or be paralyzed into a vicious cycle of rinse, wash, and repeat. Some years, I learned and other years, I wasted time doing laundry. Failure is a positive consequence to avoid being eaten by paper tigers, to outsmart paper foxes, all while wearing a paper gown.
My dad loved this movie. I remember him playing the album on a stereo console record player. It would sound all through our home every Easter in my …
Jesus Christ Superstar…heaven on my mind.
Are you superstitious?
With the amount of evil in the world, I am not sure if “superstitious” is the word. I carry my rosary everywhere and when I don’t have it, my soul gets queasy. I think there is a fine line between superstitious and supernatural. What it is, I’m not sure. But when I see a cardinal, find a feather, and look up at the time and it’s 11:11, I’m definitely thinking about a different realm.
Which animal would you compare yourself to and why?
Every time I go to a big box store, I find myself going to the pet section. There, I see hundreds of fish eyes staring at me. I hear, “pick me, look what I can do, I have a personality!” … I gaggle by the cat toys and I immediately look over my shoulder…and all are staring me. One fish, one cup, with three air holes poked at the top of the lid. Just hanging out, suspended in time, hoping to be chosen. Praying to be chosen, to be loved, to be cared for. I want to save them all. I stand in front of all of them. Some just do nothing, some just wave a fin, but one is so desperately trying to get my attention. I say “ok, I pick you.” I carry him all through the store, placed next to a bag of chips, and finally we check out. Splashing, water gathers a little at the top as I roll my cart to my car. I place him in my center console, and his new home awaits. I am definitely a Beta Fish, randomly chosen in this world to make difference in someone’s world. God chose me. Jesus saved me.
Everyday, I say the Hail Mary prayer several times throughout the day. I struggle with the full rosary. Sometimes I put on YouTube videos of the …
If everyone prayed the rosary everyday, it would be atomic against evil
Write a letter to your 100-year-old self.
Dear Lady, I hope you’re sitting straight, all those years of slouching may have caught up with you. Remember when you saw your grandparents sitting in church and you noticed that they were a little hunched over…did you take your vitamins? So many things on your to do list I hope you didn’t forget yourself. Jesus is near and keeps smiling, for heaven is waiting for its next star! Keep your head up!
My dad loved this movie. I remember him playing the album on a stereo console record player. It would sound all through our home every Easter in my early childhood. One of my favorite songs was Heaven on their Minds…sung from Judas’s point of view. Now fifty years later, I get it so much now. The story of Jesus never changed but yet in one musical with a hippy bus orchestra, the story is still simple and unchanged. We are all Judas in some way, we judge, we assume righteousness, we assume we know better than the Son of Man. In one moment Judas realize he was part of God’s plan all along. It’s hard to remember that God is all knowing. Between the judgements, opinions filled in our daily social media, work spaces, and news. I’m reminded that it is all smoke and mirrors in God’s ultimate plan and that through confession I clean my heart of Satan’s social distortion and confusion.
Sometimes life throws a wrench in the prayer machine. I chose not to go last Sunday because I didn’t feel well, I was tired, and just wasn’t motivated to attend confession and mass. Physically I felt horrible, mentally I felt depressed. As the week went by, feelings of anger, resentment, jealousy crept in my day to day life. Anything and everything felt off. Is this how Satan works to cause confusion and distortion in our lives? The news cycles were filled with more animosity and anxiety. Children being murdered by their unstable parents or left to rot in neglected homes. My heart was sad and confused by all the news reports. It was harder today to go confession and mass. Why would God allow such suffering, where are the guardian angels? Where is Jesus? I sat in line awaiting to say my confession , I attended mass, received Holy Communion, I felt better. One missed day and Satan capitalizes on the opportunity. I’m reminded how weak we are in the shadows of depression and illness. I have to commit to a daily practice in prayer…reflect on Jesus’ suffering for our sins. “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”
My grandmother was a small woman with a strong belief in the rosary. When my uncle died, she was heartbroken. He was her first born and she was engulfed in grief. Everywhere she went, she had a rosary near by. She would often pray while waiting for the laundry to finish. I often would yell downstairs and ask “where are you” and I would hear “I’m praying the rosary, almost done, will be up in a few,” and I would say “ok.” Not even a second thought, it was part of her daily routine and it rubbed off on me and to this day, I have a rosary in my car, in my room, and in my coat pocket. As an older woman, I am more understanding on what she was doing, she was praying for my deceased uncle, her fear – that he needed help out of purgatory. Purgatory is something I struggle to not be afraid of but I know there is grace when you exercise your soul through prayer. I pray now for everyone in my family, even through my turmoil in particular relationships, I pray to let go of anger, and when I feel that I am an impasse, I know I have to go to confession. Every time I practice through prayer and confession, the weight in my heart lightens. I believe there is something so special about praying the rosary and going to confession. It really works.
Everyday, I say the Hail Mary prayer several times throughout the day. I struggle with the full rosary. Sometimes I put on YouTube videos of the rosary while I clean. It’s a distraction but sometimes it’s meditative. In times like these in which our children are being destroyed by Satan’s playbook of confusion and distortion, I wonder how powerful it would be if everyone prayed the rosary. In spiritual warfare it’s the most powerful tool against evil. Teach your children to pray the rosary. The monsters are real.
Sunday. I awoke and knew I had to go, I wanted to go, and needed to go. Showered, dressed, and I told my husband I am leaving to confession. In normal fashion he said, “no worries and have fun.” I walked in and I noticed more people, pre game confessions. It’s funny how we prioritize the Super Bowl and church. I sat in my normal chair outside the door, and peaked in the window, looked up, light is red, ok someone is in there…what am I doing here, again…oh yes, I said some horrible things out of anger. How words weigh your heart down, thoughts cloud your judgement. My turn, I see shoes peaking out from the divider, and I humbly approach and begin with the sign of the cross. Honor your father and mother, I get it but when you try to teach them how to use a cellphone…the words that came out of my mouth were horrible. I reflect how my words were so bad. I carry a lot of their guilt, they were not the greatest parents, selfish, and I seemed to carry their anger. How is that possible? Having parents from this particular generation is rough…especially now that they are elderly. It’s a hard headspace to be in. I wish I knew more about Jesus and his human relationship with his father, mother, grandparents. The arguments, the objections- his teenage years…I’m trying to be Christ like, I think I am going back to landlines.
Saturdays are hard to wake up to in a motivating way. The one day I can actually process the week in review. Today’s news is depressing, children are being killed by their parents, by their addictions, and by their societal pressures. Satan is real and very real in these days causing hate, anger, and confusion. Satan hated what God made. You hate what you can’t have. God love mankind. So much, God sent his only son in his image to die for us because of our sins. What a special gift to have – all working parts of the human body. I can move, I can see, I can hear, I can think. But somewhere Satan whispers, “you are not good enough, change and you will be better” whereas God whispers “you are loved no matter what. I’ve been with you and remember you were already forgiven, lift your worries about the world, find your center, and ignore the chaos that surrounds you.” I think in this moment “Here I am Lord” and I receive a response in my heart “Come follow me.” I need to respect what God gave me and take care of me. I think I will take a walk, exercise my heart in away, both in the Holy Spirit and physical world. Confusion is everywhere and it’s time to trust the Lord while I do the basics to prime what I have – mind, body, and soul. Clear my mind from the confusion, exercise my physical being, and examine my soul through confession. This will be my greatest challenge – to love my self as God made me.
Today I woke up, wondering what the definition of forgiveness is or the act of forgiving. One of the definitions listed describe the word forgive as an act to let go of the anger against someone. This struck me in a thoughtful way about God, forgiving us by sending his son to die on the cross. To be honest I’ve never thought about this during my journey of confession. God was so angry with the world that in order to let go of his anger he sent his son to die on the cross for our sins. I hear in my heart, the words “you have already been forgiven” and I wonder how is that so but now I understand that through Jesus and the love of God, we were born into sin and we were already forgiven. I really don’t know how else to describe this epiphany but for me it’s the first time I recognize the relation between forgiveness and confession just as God did. I need to let go of my anger and examine my consciousness and forgive those who trespass me, my heart feels lighter today, and I pray that I get more understanding through this journey of confession.
Second Sunday and it was time to wake my soul and exercise. At first I thought about skipping but I thought I read somewhere not to skip leg day…well in my case, examination of my conscience day. It’s getting easier and to be honest my heart was not so heavy since my last confession. As I commit to each practice of soul examination on Sundays, I have come to realize that I listen more in church following the exercise. I still struggle with mind roaming but I noticed I’m listening more to the gospel. As I listened today, I still stared at the statues and prayed no one was set on fire as everyone held candles for this Sunday’s mass. I didn’t want a candle but one church leader would not let me choose and ensured it was in my hand and lit. I stared at the flame and realized I have a stronger yearning to understand the gospel than I had before when I was just content with mass attendance. Something is changing, is it possible that I have lost an ounce of fatty guilt, pride, and shame in my soul? I have spent a lot of money on counseling and oddly I got more relief from these past confessions than I have ever had with a counselor and the irony is it was free. I could have saved a lot of money and I didn’t need to join a gym-who knew?
I take a few steps in the door and I am quickly fixated on the curtain that is dividing the room in half. Well, kind of by half. There is a chair in the corner and I see shoes peaking out just so slightly near the curtain. I’m panicking inside and I think – chair in corner or chair behind the curtain. I choose chair in the corner. I walk around and see the priest in full reverence and not sure what to say, I blurted out “Hello Father!” – he looked up and said “Hello.” I startled him, he knew I was a little different. I sat down and for whatever reason, I’m still fixated on the curtain, should I have sat behind the curtain? I quickly look at my confession procedure pamphlets and apologize with a statement of “I’m a little rusty.” He nodded with a smirk, and made the sign of the cross. I knew he must get a lot of rusty confessors. In my out of body mind, I am thinking about what I am going to say…my words come out slowly and I’m drawing a blank. I have a lot to say but can’t get a word out. My heaviness in my heart is real. Out of nowhere, a release, a tear flowed down my cheek and I started to talk. I don’t think I made much sense but words flowed out as the priest was listening. “I’m having a hard time trusting God,” and for that “I am sorry.” Is it the fear in trusting God? I don’t know, but all I can say is that is what spilled out my heart. As I followed my pamphlet procedures, I completed my confession. Thank God, I had the pamphlet. As I came home, I asked my husband about the curtain. He told me that he didn’t know he was allowed to go beyond the curtain. And so there I was…
In the beginning, God made light, right? Nope, apparently that was third item after a quick google check. You would think that eight years of Catholic education would have served me better; however, it is very apparent, I have lost many fundamentals of the Catholic teaching. I find humor in everything – I find humor in the day-to-day grind. I find humor at the grocery store and I also find humor during mass, is that wrong? I have a vivid imagination, and I can’t help know that God made me this way and it may not be the best representation of a good Catholic but here I am. My New Year’s resolution was to trust God. I realized I had to start with confession. I thought to myself that I will go every week to try to help my soul rebuild and renew in the light of the Lord. I have tried to make it my daily habit to reflect on the teachings of Christ, the teachings of the gospel and practice my faith daily. I have been away from the church off and on over the years. In my heart and mind I feel young, but as I sit here and reflect, I realize that I am just an older woman who wonders in church. My main problem – I am a people watcher, and can not help watch all the people in the church during an hour long mass. I also have CADD (Church Attention Deficit Disorder). I sit and stare at all the statues, at all the candles, and pray for the alter kids not to set their hair on fire while lighting the candles. I wonder why everybody is there and ask God to forgive me for being so nosey. Sixty minutes is a long time. I reflect and I talk to God during mass (in my mind), then there’s a cough and a baby crying, I get distracted. I look at the priest signaling the altar boy to stand on the other side of him and then I realize we are all imperfect humans living in this world of light made by God. Before I know it, mass is over and I forgot what was even said. I need to do better.
How do I start my journey back to God? My husband is a very good Catholic. He goes to confession and he tells me the ins and outs of the order of things, he simplifies the gospels and the teachings of Jesus to help me understand the lesson. I find it fascinating that people can take a parable and get so many lessons out of it. One thing he told me was that confession should be an ongoing practice and that it should be done before mass. I thought to myself that seems like an easy thing to do in order to get back in the habit of going to church -so that’s what I did. I started to go to confession before mass. I had a goal. Sunday quickly approached. On my way to church, I began to cry, I felt like there were so many things I want to say, but I only had a couple of minutes to say them. As I began to reflect on over fifty years of my life I realized -WOW-I have a lot to say …I have a lot of laundry in my soul that needs to be cleaned …I wiped my eyes as I walked in and sat down and waited as I read the confession procedures pamphlet that was conveniently next to me. I believe God knew I needed an assist. I sat there waiting for the confession light to signal for the next confessor. The man next to me was in full reverence; meanwhile, per usual I stared and I looked around. I looked at the statues. I looked at the candles. I looked at the choir practicing songs before the actual mass. The man next to me was still in a very deep reverence. Ten minutes went by, and I thought WOW that person had a lot to say …been in there for a very, very long time. The door is shut and the light stays on. I am getting nervous. What am I going to say. Why am I here. I am forgetting my sins, my script, my list of life bloopers that I have to tell God! The man next to me, sits completely still. I’m thinking, he was an alter boy and knows his Catholic rules. He is so calm. Out of nowhere, a flash of white wisps by. It’s the priest walking by with a cup of coffee and goes right into the very door that had been shut with the light on. The reverent man and I both realized nobody was in there the whole entire time. Hard to believe that my life’s confessions were at the mercy of a closed door and a light switch. The man and I laughed and he went in and I counted the seconds, the minutes and he was out – my turn – I go in….