Behind the curtain…

I take a few steps in the door and I am quickly fixated on the curtain that is dividing the room in half. Well, kind of by half. There is a chair in the corner and I see shoes peaking out just so slightly near the curtain. I’m panicking inside and I think – chair in corner or chair behind the curtain. I choose chair in the corner. I walk around and see the priest in full reverence and not sure what to say, I blurted out “Hello Father!” – he looked up and said “Hello.” I startled him, he knew I was a little different. I sat down and for whatever reason, I’m still fixated on the curtain, should I have sat behind the curtain? I quickly look at my confession procedure pamphlets and apologize with a statement of “I’m a little rusty.” He nodded with a smirk, and made the sign of the cross. I knew he must get a lot of rusty confessors. In my out of body mind, I am thinking about what I am going to say…my words come out slowly and I’m drawing a blank. I have a lot to say but can’t get a word out. My heaviness in my heart is real. Out of nowhere, a release, a tear flowed down my cheek and I started to talk. I don’t think I made much sense but words flowed out as the priest was listening. “I’m having a hard time trusting God,” and for that “I am sorry.” Is it the fear in trusting God? I don’t know, but all I can say is that is what spilled out my heart. As I followed my pamphlet procedures, I completed my confession. Thank God, I had the pamphlet. As I came home, I asked my husband about the curtain. He told me that he didn’t know he was allowed to go beyond the curtain. And so there I was…